My mother can't.
During my internet exile thanks to my computer's untimely passing, I spent a lot of time reading. I didn't read "real" books. I read trashy romance novels.
To be more specific, I read some of Cassie Edward's Savage Series. As a side note, I'd like to point out that calling these books fantastic fiction is a bit of a stretch. They are trashy, silly, and read like a 14-year-old's God-awful fan fiction.
But, it is all in good fun. My mother makes fun of me constantly for reading these books. (I also read a few of Bonnie Vanak's books, which were way, way, way trashier. Just sayin' Cassie, you may want to step up your game.)
The BEST part of the Savage books is that they usually start off with a Godawful Fan Poem. I am not making this up. This one is from Savage Trust.
Side by side they stand together,
so young so bold and brave
They care not what others think
or what someone may say.
Hands entwined and holding tight
two hearts beating as one
They prepare themselves for the fight
they know soon will come.
Coppertone skin against snow white
their love has been condemned
No one can ever tear them apart
it's true love until the end.
Before anyone points out my punctuation errors, I copied that EXACTLY from the book.
Can you see why I love these books?
Mom and I were driving around one day and after a quick stop at Dollar Tree (where I no longer work, thank God) I had a BRAND NEW copy of a Savage book that I only had to pay a dollar for. I read Mom the poem. She laughed until she almost wrecked into a mailbox. Then Mom suggested we write some poetry to send in to Cassie and maybe get published in a book. Mom suggested a haiku.
Haikus are really simple as proven by this internet-famous haiku. 5 syllable, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. All you have to do to be able to write a haiku is count.
Here is Mom's first attempt at a haiku:
On a tall palomino steed
into the sunset forever.
5, 8, 8. Good try, Mom.
Attempt number two wasn't much better:
on a midnight black steed
into the sunset for always.
5, 6, 8. She's almost got it.
Again, I pointed out that she had way too many syllables. Again, Mom gave it a try:
Riding together forever
on a midnight black stallion
into the sunset fralways.
8, 7, 7. Wait...what? What the hell is "fralways?" I asked. Her answer was that if you cram the words together into one word than it counts. Again I pointed out that it's the syllables not the number of words. And what happened to the very well done first line?
Mom's response was that it is true art when you bend the rules and she liked her haiku very much, thank you.
The woman is a nut. And her birthday is tomorrow! Happy birthday, Mom!
Warner Bros. TV Holiday Media Mixer
1 day ago