As Seen on TV

I have a problem. Well, I have lots of problems that relate together to cause one big glaring issue. It started when my laptop power cord broke and my computer ran out of juice before the new one could arrive from eBay-land. Then, it continued when I discovered Qubo is its own D-TV channel. With my addiction to Jacob Two-Two came a startling realization. Qubo doesn't have typical commercials. All the commercials are either for Qubo shows or As Seen on TV products. I think I've died and gone to Heaven. I'm fighting to not spend my paycheck on this stuff.

My addiction to As Seen on TV stuff started a long time ago. Late at night, when I'm unable to sleep, it's like a whole new world. Chef Tony and his knives. Billy Mays and Kaboom! Set it and forget it with Ron. I know it's crap. I know it is. But I'm still outrageously addicted to watching infomercials for the ugliest purse thing ever.

The really sad thing is, I've bought some of this stuff. I think I need an As Seen on TV Anonymous club, because I own a Magic Bullet. I can do pretty much anything with the Magic Bullet. I can make an omelet. I can make a smoothie. I can make a delicious pesto sauce! And for a while I did. I drank smoothies every day for a month. And now my Magic Bullet is sitting in the box on the top of the refridgerator. I mean, it's like actual WORK to use the thing. I love it, but at the same time I don't want to have to pre-chop everything to blend it all together. It does pretty much work though...pretty much.

My former room mate bought Bumpits so that she could actually style her own hair before going out. She couldn't make it work. Everyone else could, but she couldn't. So the Bumpit is still on the fence. Maybe some people just aren't meant to have big hair.

There is absolute trash that gets to be marked with the little red and white As Seen on TV logo. This junk does not deserve that label. Smooth Away. Worst ten bucks of my life. I spent a week letting my leg hair grow out to the recommended length for optimum smoothing away and it didn't take any of it off. None of it. But I keep on watching As Seen on TV.

I have a list of things I want, as well. Never mind that it's Summer and I live in Houston. I want a Snuggie. Sure, I could wear my bathrobe around backwards, but it's just not the same. I also am addicted to baking and I desperately want to get my hands on Big Top Cupcake. Hello, 25 times the size of a normal cupcake. Who wouldn't want that? Plus it has a thing so you can put ice cream inside your ginormous cupcake. This thing could bring about world peace. Wouldn't you stop a war for a gigantic cupcake filled with ice cream? I thought so. I also want, no need, an H2O Mop. If only to encourage myself to clean more regularly.

When the show Pitchmen started I was even more in hog heaven. I love this junk. Maybe one day it'll be me up there selling the Perfect Pancake. Until then, I have my dreams....and As Seen on TV products hidden beneath the sink.